0051

Literally. LITERALLY. literALLY. 

EVERYTIME EVERY SINGLE TIME. 

Everytime i do something that has something to do with something about him, even something as small as THINKING about him; i either get a text from him or something like that. 

What is this??? What is this sixth sense connectivity??? 

coicidence?? Really?? 

I read from somewhere that we have tiny lil' antennas inside our cells, and that if we just simply do something related to a certain person i.e thinking about calling that person, text, seeing, etc. that person will also get a sense or a flash of you or something ahahahhahah bs much solii. 

This post is crap bye. I was just kinda caught up by the moment 

Insufferable bastards

I realize not only have i been self-centered and egoistic, but i was also always selfish, stubborn, over-analyzing and assuming (an assumer, if thats a word) 

I think im in one of my most dreaded mood swings mode. Becoz i somehow currently honestly feel like, i need so much space from everyone and everything and yet i also crave company. And then there's a whole lot of other things going on in my head that i cant fathom or get rid of. Im in a very fragile state  And yet i dont even know why. 

Being with so many new people recently actually opened up a few unopened eyes. Because each new people i meet has different perspective in things. And this helps me because i see things the way i want to. And with their perspective and experiences, i learn new things myself without being forced to understand. I hate contradictions. 

I also hate whatever im going through right now. This is temporary. Just like everything else

..

howwww do youu even private this thinggggggggg

.

Idk man 😢 i feel like there's so many disappointments and downside to everything i'm doing lately. What exactly did i do to piss karma or anyone off????????

0131

I feel so much better after I went to the prayer meeting. Ahah i wasn't even that sure why i went. I guess i just wanted to feel better, and i knew i would after i went. And It made me feel like the emptiness and the void inside of me became much smaller. Yep. it's still there. somehow, somewhere. but it had tremendously healed. 

And i guess, yeah. I like being around people with so much faith and positivity. It made me realize how there are bigger things out there which are more important than my own. And i like seeing in this new perspective.

i asked gan about the thing that was stuck in my head and he said i should keep praying and stuff. I mean it's so unreal, really. I never thought this day would actually come where id finally ask someone for advice about it??? Idek how to feel about this. I'm so scared lol. Scared and lil sad. 

Sigh. Yeah. Im still learning, and i hope to be better, whether in terms of my attitude, personality, or the way i am. I am grateful for all that i have and i couldn't have asked for more. 

0215

Im not sure. Maybe it's because of my period or something. But i've been avoiding so many people lately (not that i even meet many since im home most of the time) but the ones that i get to see all the time, i just had to avoid. Because of countless unexplainable reasons.

And it might've been because i can't stand them. This particular person who did nothing wrong :/ but i was avoiding her coz i felt like it was... rather necessary :/ but idk maybe it's just pms, mood swings, ego...? Idk i just really really wish she'd stop being someone else just to "fit in". I hate people who are like that. When they act like someone else around people they want to impress. And recently that's literally ALL I'VE BEEN SEEING HER BECOMING. Someone else. So i felt the obligation to avoid this act.

This is just a normal heart felt post that i feel i should update. And yes, i will also from today onwards, not find anthony anymore. It was careless of me. Sigh.

0125

that awkward moment when someone younger than you is way, WAY more mature than you are.

this keeps me up at night. to think that someone younger than me is a better person than i was (when i was at that age, which was 2 years ago) and to feel something for someone who's younger than me, i did not see this coming??????

but for someone with such a big heart. i know this is weird. yeah no, he's not the you-make-my-knees-go-weak kinda guy. but he has the biggest heart which imo i equivalent to it. and in fact; even better!!!(??) i mean, what's good about a guy who makes your knees go weak but with a lousy good for nothing overly cocky attitude.

.. *suddenly realizes something*

sorry.

??